Should you "reinvent" yourself? Or recover your authentic self?

The wisdom to know the difference.

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

First, I must start by saying heartfelt thanks to all who read, commented or sent personal emails in response to last week’s post, The Hardest Newsletter I’ve Ever Had to Write.

Your kindness tells me that unlike the typical social media platforms, Substack readers and writers are among the most engaged and authentic. Which is the perfect segue into today’s topic.

I cannot tell you how many times I have “reinvented” myself. That was the buzzword for many years, particularly as it came to women who were going through divorce, widowhood, grief from other losses, both physical and spiritual. Even as I acknowledge my many past reinventions (sales, teaching, catering, owning a retail store), it’s a term that I’ve never quite embraced. I didn’t really know why. Now I do.

When I look back at what I understood to be my reinvention, I realize I was trying to emulate someone else—someone who I perceived as being the success I wanted to be. The trouble with that, is I tended to copy (without plagiarizing) what that person was doing. Sure, I put my own spin on it, but that’s what it was: spin.

Today, as a woman of a certain age, I realize that what I was really trying to do was to find my purpose. In my case, I didn’t find it until my late 50s, early 60s, when I discovered, without a shred of doubt, that my purpose was to write. That’s when I started writing my first novel, which wasn’t published until I was 58. I hadn’t reinvented myself as a novelist. Rather, I’d finally uncovered what and who I was meant to be. Authentically. I write and express myself as me, not someone I wish to be. You do the same, whether you paint, create beautiful things, or just about anything else in life. It’s what makes you who you are.

‘You may well be experiencing a sense of both bafflement and faith. You are no longer stuck, but you cannot tell where you are going.” Julia Cameron

If you are still searching for who you’re meant to be, don’t despair. I believe the answer comes to all of us at some point in our lives. It often comes from great loss. The kind of loss that brings you to your knees. Or the realization that you’ve lost yourself. Perhaps deep down you’ve had a gut feeling that you were supposed to do something: paint, write, perform, help others, but you felt guilty about it or thought it was too late. As I will write in an upcoming post, it is never too late. Never!

In the past few months, women have admitted to me things like:

• “I have widow’s envy.” Don’t be shocked! I love this person dearly and she knew I would understand the circumstances in which she said it. I wasn’t hurt at all.

• “I’ve finally realized that I’m not capable of sustaining a long-term relationship.” I beg to differ. She is capable, but she’s wisely chosen what’s right for her at this point in time.

• “I’ve always wanted to do [blank] but I think it’s too late for me.” I consider myself a late bloomer. My first novel didn’t come out until I was in my late 50s. I started taking flying lessons in my late 60s. I’m about to become better at paddle boarding and start kayacking as a rank (and nervous)beginner. It’s never too late!

  

  Can you see the joy?

"Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart, give yourself to it." Buddha

How do you feel about “reinventing yourself?”

I love receiving your personal replies by email, but the name of this publication is Words, Wisdom and Conversation.” I’d love it if you’d share yours in the comments below. 🩶