You are no longer stuck, but...

you're not exactly sure where you're going

I hate to even mention the political climate, global issues and wars, but let’s face it, we’re all pretty much consumed with those things at the moment. As if that weren’t bad enough, as a person of a “certain age,” you are very likely dealing with personal and family losses, which adds another layer to this weighty “onion’s” layers. As I said recently in The Hardest Newsletter I've Ever Had to Write, we are, after all, complex and multi-layered beings. That can make for some challenging times, especially now. How do you know which way to go? Or how to get there.

Photo by Daniele Levis Pelusi on Unsplash

I have been widowed almost a year now. As you’ll read in a previous post, there were multiple reasons that it’s taken me almost that entire time to be in any condition to come back to write for you here on Substack. Your love and kind reponses made it easier to write the next post, and now the next.

In reflecting on my own situation and how lost I felt, I came up with five actionable steps that I hope might help you navigate the stormy waters of your 60s, 70s and beyond. These steps are not meant to be prescriptive—or even complete. Please just take what feels useful and leave the rest, or come back to it later.

1.Reflect on your journey and embrace new beginnings. Note that I didn’t name this step “journaling.” Personally, daily journalling has worked wonders for me for over a decade, but I understand it’s for everyone. If you’re interested, I’ve done Julia Cameron’s (The Artist’s Way) morning pages for years and I can count on one hand the days that I haven’t, no matter how good or bad I’m feeling. I write to make sense of the world. Besides, it’s cheaper than therapy!

Regardless of whether or not you embrace journalling, I encourage you to dedicate time to reflect on your life experiences. Reflecting on your past, including challenges and successes, can help you understand what truly matters now as you refine your priorities after loss or change.

Ask yourself:

• What have these experiences taught me?”

• “What new opportunties would bring fulfillment to my life.”

Considering these questions can clarify what are often new values and build a strong foundation for future decisions.

2. Set intentional, age-appropriate goals. Define small, achievable goals that focus on enhancing personal well-being and pursuing lifelong interests. I think this is so important to help create structure and instill a sense of purpose during a time of transition. In a recent post, I wrote about the difference between uncovering your authentic self versus “reinventing” (a term I’m not fond of) yourself.

I mention “age-appropriate” because if you’re a recovering Type A personality like me, you might continue shooting for the moon when it’s perfectly okay to just hit the stars. Or, a patch of very low-lying grass that glistens with dew! It’s okay to give yourself permission to shoot low and slow. And have fun!

3. Cultivate a supportive community and network

• Consider engaging with community groups, social clubs or online forums specifically for people who have the same interests as you. Or, ones you’d like to explore. It might be restorative yoga, Pilates, or in my case, paddleboarding. Yup, I’m taking it up as a “mature” woman. Heck, I didn’t start taking flying lesson until I was in my mid- to late-60s. How hard can paddleboarding be?? I’ve seen dogs do it!

• Volunteer or explore a new area of interest that celebrates your experience and wisdom. After all, at this “certain age,” we have a wealth of that!

• Many of us who have downsized to condos or townhouses, miss gardening. In my area, we have botanical and community gardens who are always looking for people to volunteer. Put in a little sweat (or tears) and you might get to sneak off with some imperfect veggies or “accidentally” snipped cuttings.

4.Pursue continuous learning and new experiences: I will never forget the advice a long-time divorced friend gave me years ago, before I was even widowed. “Karen, she said, ‘try to say ‘yes’ to things that would be easy to say no.” I practised doing that—as I said—before I was alone, and nearly every time I’ve been so glad I did. I try to take my own car so I can leave early if I want to, but I often end up being one of the last to leave! And yes, I’m an introvert.

Tips:

• Enrolling in workshops, classes, or learning groups nurtures personal growth and helps you stay connected with evolving interests and passions.

• Look for opportunities to learn new skills. I can’t believe how many of my friends have taken up painting. To their own surprise, they have turned out to be truly talented. Whether it’s creative arts or mastering new technologies, it enhances both confidence and joy. And, research tells us that it keeps our minds sharp and helps keep us feeling relevant.

5.Develop a personalized action plan focusing on self-care and future aspirations. Create a clear, step-by-step plan that includes both self-care and future goals, incorporating health, social activities, and personal interests. A structured plan offers guidance during transitions and helps balance needs with personal development. Write down short-term and long-term actions using planners or fun digital apps. Include all the things I’ve outlined above. Be sure to revisit and adjust your plan periodically to ensure it remains aligned with your evolving aspirations.

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Remember, this is about you:

Everyone is different, particuarly when it comes to loss and grief. First, please don’t let anyone tell you there is a specific timeline to grieve, then another to move on to the next stage, blah, blah, blah. Well meaning as they may be, we are all unique and as such, we deal with things on different timelines. Or none at all. For some of us, time drags by indeterminedly after a deep personal loss. For others, they get so wrapped up in everything there is to do, that time just flys by.

There are no “shoulds.” And that includes some of the suggestions I’ve made in this post. For months and months, I just walked the dog along the beach or hiked with her through the woods. Embrace who you are—at this exact moment in time—and just breathe.

What have you found helpful as you’ve dealt with major life/work transitions?

I love receiving your personal replies by email, but the name of this publication is Words, Wisdom and Conversation.” I’d love it if you’d share yours in the comments below. 🩶